


the sixth.

by mochibbh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Engagement, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love, M/M, Nostalgia, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Terminal Illnesses, and johnny's mom, special appearances from yuta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28403769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochibbh/pseuds/mochibbh
Summary: "How many?" Johnny's boyfriend asks. "How many did you love before me?"Johnny grins, fond nostalgia blooming warmth in his chest.“Who, what, when, where, why.”🌷🌷🌷Johnny has loved six people in his life.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Suh Youngho | Johnny/Qian Kun
Comments: 54
Kudos: 122





	1. how many?

**Author's Note:**

> here's the deal--Johnny has loved six people in his life: who, what, when, where, and why. each chapter will reveal them, one by one. but can you guess who's who before the next chapter is released?
> 
> -concept and format from WongFu's [_The Last._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvxHPtEsmFc)

The two of them lie in bed together, cushioned into the bed with their fluffy lilac sheets, the light of the spring morning filtering in softly through the bedroom window. Johnny has an arm around his boyfriend, who’s curled up snugly into his side, and he feels him shift closer towards him as he begins to stir awake.

Johnny grins down at him. “Morning,” he says softly into his hair, voice still rough with sleep.

His boyfriend makes tiny noises to indicate he’s starting to wake up fully, and mutters a quiet, “Morning,” into Johnny’s chest before lifting his head to smile lovingly at Johnny’s equally affectionate expression.

And, just because Johnny can, he leans down to press a gentle kiss onto the other’s forehead. “I love you,” he mutters against the skin there, sincerity dripping from his voice.

Johnny sees his boyfriend grin against the kiss and feels it as he squirms a bit out of Johnny’s hold, moving to sit up opposite of Johnny. There’s comfortable silence between the two for a moment before the other bites his lip and asks, “Can I ask you something?”

Johnny sits up fully to face the other and nods. “Of course, anything,” he answers.

“How… how many were there?” he asks, hesitant.

“How many?” Johnny asks back, confused.

His boyfriend chews the inside of his cheek. “I mean how many before me. How many have you loved before me,” he clarifies, shyly lowering his cheek onto his lifted knee.

Johnny breathes out a soft laugh through his nose and scoots himself closer to the other. He thinks for a moment before he tells him, “Five.”

His boyfriend’s eyebrows raise slightly in surprise, but only slightly. “What are their names?” he presses curiously.

Johnny grins, fond nostalgia blooming warmth in his chest.

“Who, what, when, where, why.” 


	2. who

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who I loved, was one of my TA’s from university.”

“Are you really gonna be weird and cryptic with me now?” His boyfriend’s face scrunches up cutely, even though he’s grinning.

Johnny lifts his hand to pinch his nose, making the man yelp back. “Hey, you asked.”

His boyfriend rubs his nose and pouts. “Fine, you’re right.” He lowers his hand from his face and places his cheek back on his knee, wrapping his arms around his leg. “Tell me about them, then.”

So Johnny does.

“Who I loved, was one of my TA’s from university.”

📓📓📓

“The TA’s cute.”

Johnny turned his head to face Yuta before glancing at the TA of their music class. There’s a name written on the board behind him, so Johnny squinted in order to read it. “His name’s Taeil,” Johnny responded.

Yuta grinned in a way that told Johnny he already had his head in the clouds. “It should be illegal to have an undercut that sexy while wearing such a big sweater. Look, you can’t even see his hands, his sleeves are too long,” he almost whined, staring openly at Taeil.

Johnny nudged his side. “Stop looking, he’ll notice you.”

“That’s the plan.”

Johnny rolled his eyes. When he looked back at Taeil, he found the other scanning the classroom with his eyes. When Taeil noticed Johnny, he gave a small look of surprise and a friendly wave with a gentle smile.

Johnny gave Yuta a lot of shit, but he knew he, too, was already fucked.

There was only one year of university left until Johnny finished his degree, so by no means was he a bright-eyed freshman any longer. He felt a little older, enthusiasm dulled over time. Even so, he felt like the bridge between undergrad and graduate school was a mile long, and something about Taeil being post-grad made him unattainable.

It seemed like this was the general consensus amongst the undergrad students that Taeil was the TA for, since there wasn’t a day that went by without Johnny hearing someone talk about Taeil, dream about him, blush madly whenever he joined in on their discussions in class. He and Yuta were just a couple of fish alongside dozens of others in Taeil’s net of starry-eyed students, none of whom had the courage to ask him out. 

Not that Taeil was actively trying to hook in all of his admirers. It was just that he was so warm and inviting, so welcoming and kind, that people couldn’t help but to be drawn to him, Johnny included. He didn’t know Taeil, not really, but he had spoken to him enough times to know that Taeil was bright and lovely, soft and caring. Johnny was gone from the first time they spoke. 

There was still that bridge between him and Johnny that couldn’t be crossed, but Johnny was okay with it. The office hour times and run-ins at the campus coffee shop were enough.

“Hey,” Taeil called out, tapping his pen against Johnny’s homework to get his attention. “Pay attention. What note is this?” he asked, pointing the end of his pen to a note in the short measure of sheet music.

“F,” Johnny immediately answered. Taeil raised an eyebrow at him and tapped the note again, so Johnny re-examined it. “I mean, uh.” He counted each note from the bottom in his head. “It’s D.”

Taeil gave him a thumbs up and turned the paper back towards himself. “Is there a reason why you’re so good at bass clef and not treble?” he asked curiously, thumbing through a few papers on his desk. He pulled out a quiz they took just a few hours ago and handed it back to Johnny, who noticed that he got full marks for the bass clef section, but not the treble clef one.

He expected as much, but he still sighed upon seeing the red marks on his quiz. “I did choir for a couple of years in high school. Sang baritone, obviously,” he explained, lips still pursed. “Thought I could just take music to fulfill my arts requirement and that it’d be easy, but I’ve been too busy with internship applications to study much. Didn’t even think about how I wouldn’t know treble.”

“That’s what you get for waiting until your last year to fulfill your general requirements,” Taeil lightly teased. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter _that_ much, since you’re not a music major or anything. As long as you know where at least one note is in treble clef, you’ll be able to count the rest of them. You’ll be fine for the final,” he encouraged with a smile. It made his soft look appear even more gentle, and Johnny felt his heart beat just a little harder.

“You look good today,” he blurted, eyes going wide as soon as it’s out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he was never very good at keeping his thoughts to himself. Now it was like a dam had been opened in him, and he couldn’t stop the flow of words anymore. “Did you wanna maybe, like. Go out to dinner sometime?” He bit the inside of his cheek and hoped he didn’t sound as stupid as he felt.

A light blush dusted Taeil’s smooth cheeks, and Johnny tried not to feel the way his heart dropped when an apologetic expression appeared on Taeil’s face. “That’s sweet of you Johnny, really,” Taeil told him, voice quiet to try to soften the blow. “I have a partner, actually,” he admitted, “But thank you for the offer.”

Johnny’s posture deflated and he sank a little further into his seat, feeling both a bit heartbroken and a bit relieved. _Yuta will be devastated,_ he thought. He shook his head, willing his feelings to dissipate, and he knew they would with time. “Then, dinner as friends?” Johnny asked. “I promise nothing weird.”

And most people would probably cut ties with him then and there, but not Taeil. He only smiled, bright and unforgettable, and answered, “I’d like that.”

It was then that the undergrad student lost his grad student fairytale, but gained a friend in his stead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone surprised? c: a few of you got it!!! now onto: "what"! 
> 
> leave any guesses/comments in the comments, in my cc, or you can [qrt my thread of this fic on twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh/status/1345947583068262402?s=20) with guesses, ideas, or theories! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mochibbh0201)


	3. what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What I loved, was a close friend of mine.”

Johnny’s boyfriend wears the cutest pout of all time. “You can’t have been in love with Taeil, _I_ was in love with Taeil,” he whines.

Johnny laughs brightly, his whole body racking with chuckles at his boyfriend’s statement. “We all were in love with Taeil,” Johnny corrects. “Yuta just happened to get the last laugh.”

“I still can’t believe they’re fucking married, not after Yuta streaked drunk in college, like, seven times,” the other mutters. 

“Love makes you stupid as hell,” Johnny figures, shrugging.

His boyfriend sports a devious little smirk. “No wonder you were such an idiot when we started going out, you loved so many people before me.” He giggles evilly, dodging the pillow that Johnny launches his way. “Kidding, kidding,” he rectifies, snickers dying down. “Tell me about the others. Who’s next, uh… ‘what?’”

A smile makes its way onto Johnny’s face at his boyfriend’s curiosity.

“What I loved, was a close friend of mine.”

🍰🍰🍰

If there was one word that encapsulated everything about Taeyong, then Johnny didn’t know it.

There would never be any way for Johnny to perfectly explain why he kept coming back to Taeyong at the end of it all, why Taeyong was the one he turned to whenever he went through a breakup, why Taeyong was the one who accepted him with open arms even when it had been months since they’d last seen each other. Johnny would never know why, but it happened time and time again.

Or maybe he did know why, and maybe Taeyong knew, too.

Friday night cuddling sessions, pretty pink lips, long lashes, a tender heart, and an encyclopedic knowledge about Johnny that came with being Johnny’s best friend—Taeyong had it all. The two of them were almost perfect.

Almost.

Johnny watched Taeyong walk through the doors of the café, a cute beret on his soft hair and a long coat on to combat the wintery air. The tips of his cheeks and nose were red with cold, but his face brightened up when he saw Johnny. He quickly made his way over to where Johnny was sitting, sliding into the seat across from him and smiling widely at the desserts on the table. Johnny had already chosen Taeyong’s favorites.

Taeyong wasted no time in picking up a fork and digging into a slice of strawberry cake. “You’re the best,” he groans around the cake.

Johnny chuckles. “I know, I know. So, lay it all on me, how’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in…”

“Three months,” Taeyong answered, maybe too quickly, like he’d counted every day in between until he saw Johnny again. He stuffed more cake into his mouth. “Been a while. Work’s been good, got a few new students who are really passionate.”

Johnny listened with half of his attention on the conversation and the other half of his attention on the way Taeyong’s lips parted when he spoke, the delicateness of his fingers on the fork. His soft voice was a comfort for Johnny after the last few months, and he craved more of it.

Maybe he should just ask for once.

“Yong, I was wondering if—”

“Oh, I met someone,” Taeyong mentioned at the same time. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off, just thought I should tell you. What were you saying?”

Johnny blinks and sighs imperceptibly through his nose. “No, nothing. Tell me about them,” he said instead, feeling his heart closing itself back up.

Taeyong wore an expression that Johnny couldn’t read, but it was like he knew. He knew, but didn’t say anything, didn’t bring it up again. He launched into a conversation about how he met his new boyfriend at work, how funny and talented he is, all things Johnny only really heard with one ear.

He breathed out a soft laugh through his nose at the irony of it all, knowing how this is how Taeyong must have felt the last time they met up those three months ago, back when Johnny was still seeing someone else and Taeyong was the single one. And that’s how it was every time—one of them single, one of them not, going back and forth between loving one another in between the others, but it was never enough.

So Johnny let it go. He rested his head in his hand and listened while Taeyong raved about his new boyfriend, listened when Taeyong said, “I really like him. I hope—I hope we turn out okay.”

Johnny did, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> majority of people voted taeyong for "what," and y'all were right!! johnyong bffs   
> so, who could be next for "when"? 🤔 
> 
> leave any guesses/comments in the comments, in my cc, or you can [qrt my thread of this fic on twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh/status/1345947583068262402?s=20) with guesses, ideas, or theories! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mochibbh0201)


	4. when

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When I loved, was my first boyfriend.”

Johnny plays with the fabric of their bedsheets with his fingers. “It’s not like I still love him, not like that,” he says. “We never—we wouldn’t have ever wanted to get in the way of each other’s relationships. It’s just that the timing was never right.”

His boyfriend rolls his eyes. “I don’t doubt you. Besides, we both know how Taeyong is now. He and Ten are gross.” He grimaces and sticks his tongue out in a fake gag. “Hate to say it, but they’re meant for each other, so I guess it’s a good thing the two of you never found the right time.”

“Just weren’t meant to be,” Johnny shrugs. He glances up and gives his boyfriend a grin. “Speaking of Ten…”

Realization dawns on the other and his mouth drops open. “No,” he says, scandalized and in disbelief.

Johnny laughs.

“When I loved, was my first boyfriend.”

🚲🚲🚲

“Johnathan, if you don’t get your ass to the movies right now, I’m dumping you.”

Johnny rolled his eyes, but he biked faster anyways. “Johnathan is definitely not my name,” he said into the phone. “And I’m on my way, Tennie, I’ll even pay for us both.”

He could almost hear Ten smiling on the other end of the line. “You know the way to my heart. I’ll see you soon, babe.”

The pet name still gave Johnny butterflies. No one had ever called him that before. “Be there in a sec, _babe,”_ he said back, because he knew it made Ten flustered. He hung up before Ten could retaliate and sped up on his bike.

He got to the movie on time, Ten just liked to be early so he could blame Johnny for being late, but the theater was nearly empty anyways; it was just them and a few other couples in the room. Johnny let Ten pick their seats, so they ended up in the middle of the back row.

Johnny would only later remember the movie they saw because he ended up keeping his ticket stub. What he really remembered from that night was the way he nervously opened up his hand in between the two of them for Ten to hold. He barely watched the movie, keeping his full attention on trying not to sweat while Ten’s hand was in his, or trying to keep his heart from beating out of his chest when Ten leaned his head down onto his shoulder.

After that movie, the two of them snuck, hand in hand, into another movie that they didn’t pay for. They didn’t end up leaving the theater until late into the night, so Johnny offered to give Ten a ride on his bike back home instead of walking. Ten scoffed and breathed out, “Lame,” but Johnny knew he loved the way the cool air felt against his face as he stood on the bike behind Johnny. To this day, Johnny remembers the feeling of Ten’s fingers tightly gripping his shoulders every time he got on his bike and the laughter in Ten’s voice throughout the late nights.

Johnny biked slowly, purposefully. He didn’t want this moment to end.

The two of them reached Ten’s house eventually (fifteen minutes later than they normally would, Ten would tease him about later), and Johnny walked Ten to his front door. He held Ten’s hands in his loosely, not wanting to let him go.

“I had fun tonight,” he told Ten, squeezing his hands a bit tighter. “I hope your parents don’t kill me for getting you home so late.”

“My parents love you, you know that,” Ten said. “I had fun, too. It—it was nice.” He bit his bottom lip, holding back a grin.

The two of them stood in silence with each other for a moment, neither of them wanting to let each other go even though they knew they had to. _Just one more second. One more second,_ Johnny kept thinking.

He took in the sight in front of him, Ten’s dark hair in the moonlight and the blush on his cheeks from biking in the cool, night air. His eyes flickered down to where Ten was chewing on his lip nervously and before Johnny could do anything else, Ten was rising up on his toes and placing a light peck on Johnny’s lips.

Ten retreated as quickly as he came, and his face was a deeper shade of red. “C-call me when you get home,” he stammered out, giving Johnny’s hands one more squeeze before letting go and entering his house, leaving Johnny with a flush on his cheeks and a fluttering in his gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doyoung and ten got the most votes for this chapter, and so a lot of u got it right!! we're in the endgame now, and the next chapter is: "where." who do you think will be next? guesses include: kun, jaehyun, and doyoung this time! 
> 
> leave any guesses/comments in the comments, in my cc, or you can [qrt my thread of this fic on twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh/status/1345947583068262402?s=20) with guesses, ideas, or theories! 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mochibbh0201)


	5. where

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where I loved, was a boy I met in Beijing.”

“I can’t believe you were in love with _Ten_ of all people.”

His boyfriend fake gags, so Johnny squishes his cheeks. “I was a sixteen-year-old gay kid, and Ten was cute!” he retaliates in defense. “Don’t act like you haven’t waxed poetic about Ten’s fucking nose before.”

“Hey, that was one time, and we were drunk, and I was debating if I should get a nose job,” the other pouts in between Johnny’s hands. He wrestles them off of his face and his eyes glimmer. “Tell me about the next one before I start to think about you and Ten sucking face,” he demands.

Johnny rolls his eyes, but he listens.

“Where I loved, was a boy I met in Beijing.”

🌆🌆🌆

Johnny was nineteen when he landed himself a photography mentorship in China.

He never imagined himself ever visiting China—not because he didn’t want to, but because he had no ties there. None of his family or friends were in China, so he never thought he would end up there. Even when he applied for the mentorship with a Chinese photographer he respected and looked up to, he didn’t think he would get it.

But he did, and that’s how he ended up at a hole-in-the-wall noodle shop with one of his favorite photographers in the world sitting across from him. After an hour of chatting about logistics of Johnny’s stay and the expectations on both of their ends, his mentor excused himself to the restroom, leaving Johnny by himself with an empty cup of tea.

Someone standing by his table began to speak to him in Mandarin, and though Johnny studied, his brain was slow on the uptake. “Sorry, I’m a foreigner,” he apologized with a sheepish smile in his choppy Mandarin. He looked up at the person who spoke to him and froze; it was a young waiter, his jawline chiseled and defined, his eyes deep and warm.

The boy studied Johnny with squinted eyes. “Korean?” he asked in slightly accented Korean.

Johnny’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “American, actually, but I know Korean,” he answered, relieved.

The waiter grinned. “Sorry about that. More tea?” he asked, holding up a teapot in one hand.

“Yeah, please,” Johnny accepted, letting the boy pour hot tea into his empty cup. “Your Korean is good,” he blurted, giving himself a mental slap for becoming the guy who said _that_ kind of shit.

Thankfully, the boy’s eyes lit up at the words. “Do you think so? I’ve been studying hard. I’d like to move to Korea someday,” he told Johnny. “I want to be a music producer there.” He flushed cutely and chuckled. “Sorry, didn’t mean to ramble.”

Johnny watched the other shyly giggle at himself, and he knew he didn’t mind one bit. “What’s your name?” he asked.

The waiter grinned at him, friendly and welcoming. “I’m Kun.”

Three months in Beijing felt like he had known Kun forever, but Johnny still thought it wasn’t enough time.

He spent those three months watching Kun dance barefoot in the rain, snapping photos at every opportunity. About a month into it, his mentor laughed at him, joking that he had found a muse in such a short amount of time.

There were moments where he would put down his camera and join Kun on his piano bench, playing a delicate duet with him as Kun hummed a melody to songs he was composing in his head. Their fingers brushed lightly together against the piano keys and Johnny would look next to him to see Kun’s eyes closed in concentration, a content smile on his face that Johnny would kiss until they were both breathless.

At the end of three months, Kun snuck Johnny through the winding alleys of Beijing’s night market into a garden full of green with light strung overhead. The lights looked like fireflies all around them, and the noises of the market were distant, leaving only the sounds of water from a small fountain in the middle of the garden.

“I come here to write sometimes,” Kun said, leading Johnny by the hand to a bench. They sat together, hand in hand, with Kun’s head on Johnny’s shoulder. “It’s quiet. During the day, you can hear the birds, and the small chatter from the alleys. It’s more peaceful at night, though.” He squeezed Johnny’s hand tightly. “You’ll…” He hesitated, thinking about his words as he bit his bottom lip. Eventually, he looked Johnny in the eyes with determination and said, “The next time we meet, it will be in Korea.” 

Johnny squeezed Kun’s hand back. He’d thought, in the beginning, that three months was too long. Now, all he wanted was more time.

But he felt content.

“It’s a promise,” Johnny said, brushing his thumb against Kun’s skin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kun ge for this chapter! is anyone shocked, or did you guess it correctly? this is actually the chapter i wrote the most recently, everything else i wrote last year or the year before. 
> 
> only one more left... "why." and only two more possibilities: will it be doyoung or jaehyun? 
> 
> leave any guesses/comments in the comments, in my cc, or you can [qrt my thread of this fic on twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh/status/1345947583068262402?s=20) with guesses, ideas, or theories!


	6. why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why I loved, was my childhood best friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please heed the new tags.

The feeling of calloused fingertips on Johnny’s skin dissipates when he looks back up. “Kun has plans to move here next year,” he says, thinking about their last video chat.

His boyfriend’s face scrunches up. “Uh oh. Am I gonna lose you?” he asks with a joking lilt to his tone, though Johnny knows he’s partly serious.

Johnny snorts. “Kun has a lovely wife that will be moving here with him,” he assures, ruffling the other’s hair, making him whine. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

His boyfriend waves his hand away from his hair. “Okay, okay. Who’s up next… ‘why,’ right?”

Johnny moves his hand back to his side and sighs, looking out the window. 

“Why I loved, was my childhood best friend.”

🩺🩺🩺

Johnny stopped believing in love when he was eleven.

It didn’t last for very long, Johnny being the romantic he was even at that age, but at the time it felt permanent. Love was the thing he thought about most; he couldn’t wait to find someone and fall in love with them, like in the movies.

His passion for love came to a screeching halt when his parents informed him they were getting a divorce.

This is what he told Jaehyun the day after his parents broke the news, sitting on the end of Jaehyun’s bed with his knees pulled up to his face.

Jaehyun, who was only nine, cocked his head in confusion. “You don’t believe in love?” Johnny shook his head vehemently. “But you told me—” Jaehyun counted briefly on his fingers, “Three days ago that you wanted to get married and have four kids by the time you’re twenty.”

“That was _before,_ Jaehyun,” Johnny whined. “Love is just a scam. Don’t fall for it when you get older, you’re just gonna end up like my parents, divorced at thirty-six,” he sulked, sinking his face further behind his knees.

Jaehyun continued to stare at him, confused. “But you said—”

He was interrupted by the door to his room opening and Johnny’s mother entering. She grinned at the two boys as she closed the door behind her, walking to Jaehyun’s bedside. “Don’t mind me, you two, just here to check Jaehyun’s vitals,” she said, clipboard in her hands.

Johnny huffed and sat up straight, crossing his arms, pointedly not looking at his mother.

His mother glanced at him from time to time, unimpressed. “What’s up with him?” she asked Jaehyun.

Jaehyun shrugged, letting Johnny’s mother press her stethoscope over his chest and his back, not needing instructions on how to breathe. He had done this enough times before. “Says he doesn’t believe in love anymore.”

She sighed, letting her stethoscope hang around her neck, and gave Johnny a look. “Baby, your father and I already explained to you that we still love each other, just not as husband and wife anymore. It doesn’t mean our love wasn’t or isn’t real. This just happens sometimes, and we’ll both be happier for it.” Before Johnny could say anything back, she turned back to Jaehyun and asked, “How are you feeling today, honey?” 

Jaehyun coughed lightly into the crook of his arm. “The same. Throat kinda hurts more,” he admitted. With panicked eyes, he added, “But Johnny can stay, right? He doesn’t have to go, it doesn’t hurt that bad,” the words spilled out of his mouth hurriedly.

Her eyes softened and she lifted her arm to gently smooth down Jaehyun’s hair. “Of course he can stay, sweetie,” she assured softly. “But only if you can help him come to his senses. No more of this ‘don’t believe in love’ nonsense.” She turned her head back to Johnny and said seriously, “Johnny, love is wonderful, and I know you know that. I’m sorry you feel this way, but trust me. I know you love… well, love, so don’t give up on it like this, okay?”

Johnny wouldn’t meet her eyes, only furrowed his eyebrows and looked down into his lap. He heard his mother sigh and leave the room, so he looked back up at Jaehyun. “You believe me, right? What does she know about love anyways, she’s the one getting divorced,” he grumbled.

Jaehyun thought about it for a moment before shrugging again. “Sure,” he answered.

Jaehyun was a permanent resident at the children’s hospital where Johnny’s mother worked for about a year, but he was Johnny’s best friend for years before that. That was why Johnny took the bus by himself to the hospital every day after school and followed his mother to work on the weekends.

He would ask his mother, sometimes, questions about Jaehyun, like why he was sick, or what he was sick with, but his mother would always respond, “He’s just sick, sweetie.” Jaehyun never talked about it either, so Johnny never really got answers, but he thought it was fine. He saw Jaehyun every day and played games with him, ate meals with him, and napped in Jaehyun’s bed too much, so Johnny thought that was enough. He and Jaehyun leaned into each other’s sides (because Jaehyun had to stay sitting upright at all times), and Johnny breathed in the scent of clean linen and gummy vitamins and felt at home.

Jaehyun was safe. Jaehyun was his home.

On one of Jaehyun’s worse days, they sat together, Jaehyun curled into Johnny’s side. Johnny patted his back gently, rhythmically, because that’s what Jaehyun fell asleep to.

When Johnny thought Jaehyun had fallen asleep, he heard his friend speak up softly. “Hyung?” he said, voice small and hoarse.

Johnny hummed. “Yeah?”

“Do you still not believe in love?”

Johnny paused in his ministrations. “Don’t know,” he said truthfully. It had been a few weeks since his parents officially got divorced, and Johnny was no longer vehemently against love, but he was still disappointed. He thought love was supposed to be forever. “I’m not sure,” he repeated, continuing to pat Jaehyun’s back softly.

Jaehyun buried himself further into Johnny’s side. “I think it sounds nice. The way you talked about love before, it sounds nice,” he mumbled softly into Johnny’s sweater.

Johnny closed his eyes and hummed again. He kept patting Jaehyun’s back until he felt the younger’s breath even out.

Johnny got a fever for a few days and was prohibited from seeing Jaehyun.

He fought a losing battle with his mother because not one day had gone by where he didn’t visit Jaehyun, but he knew his mother was right. Him being sick around Jaehyun would do more harm than good, so he stayed at home, waiting for his mother to return at the end of the day to tell him anything about his best friend he might have missed.

On day three of his fever, when the worst of it was over, his mother came home and handed him a piece of paper.

“It’s from Jaehyun,” she supplied. “Don’t worry, Johnny, we’ll keep you home for another few days just to be safe, then you can see him. Just be patient.”

Johnny accepted the paper and took it to his room, where he unfolded it carefully. It was a letter, he realized quickly, and he sat on his bed to read it.

_Dear Johnny hyung,_

_This is the first time Ive written you a letter since we were little! Remember when we would write each other letters in kindergarten? That was fun_ _J We should start again._

_Ive been kinda lonely without you visiting. I hope your doing ok and that your not that sick. Being sick really sucks haha_

_Theres this kid who I see sometimes. His name is Mark. He lives here at the hospital too. Hes nice but hes kinda quiet. I miss playing games with you and watching tv. I hope you get better soon so we can do that again._

_Also, I know you said you dont believe in love anymore but I miss when you used to talk about it. It was nice. I hope you fall in love someday with someone who will make you believe in love again. Talking about love makes you happy so you should believe in it again ok? I dont know if I will ever get to be in love so you should love for the both of us. I would be happy if you could fall in love._

_Anyways I hope I see you soon! Feel better hyung!_

_Love,  
your Jaehyunnie_

_PS: If you really cant believe in love anymore, I think I wouldnt mind getting married to you and having four kids. But only if we also have a dog. Ive always wanted a big dog._

Johnny scanned the letter a few more times before holding the paper to his chest for a brief moment. He quickly pinned the paper to the corkboard that sat hanging above his desk, amongst photos of him with his parents and Jaehyun.

He wondered why his chest ached at Jaehyun’s words.

When Johnny visited Jaehyun’s room a few days later, he was greeted to emptiness, save for Johnny’s mother crying silently in the room by herself.

Johnny never got to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one was so sad. i hope it gives more insight into johnny's romantic inclinations throughout his life. 
> 
> with this being the last chapter, the only one left is the boyfriend reveal who is... *drum roll* ... doyoung! that chapter is coming in a couple of days, and though it's no longer a secret, i hope you look forward to it! 
> 
> leave a comment if you'd like, and connect with me!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mochibbh0201)


	7. the last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You are the sixth, and you are the last."

Johnny grins softly to himself. He still has Jaehyun’s letter, stashed in a shoe box in his closet with other knick-knacks that he’s accumulated over the years.

He doesn’t expect to see tears in his boyfriend’s eyes when he looks back up.

Johnny quickly rushes to wipe the tears off of his cheeks with his thumb and runs a hand through the other’s soft hair soothingly. “Don’t cry, don’t cry,” Johnny hurries to say, pulling his head to his chest and stroking his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you would cry like this,” he says into his boyfriend’s hair quietly.

His boyfriend hiccups. “I knew that Jaehyun was your friend, but I didn’t know…” He throws his arms around Johnny’s middle and holds him tight. “I’m so sorry.”

Johnny spends a few more moments rubbing his back and holding him until his boyfriend’s breath evens out again. “I bet Jaehyun would love to meet you. Would you like to visit someday?” He feels the other nod against his chest, and he breathes out a laugh through his nose. “Okay. We’ll visit him soon.”

His boyfriend sniffles and sits back up, and Johnny grins at his puffy eyes and red nose. “Who, what, when, where, and why…” He wrings his hands together on his lap. “So, which one am I?” 

Johnny reaches out to hold both of his boyfriend’s hands in his. “You are my fairytale person who felt out of my reach. My close friend who knows me, inside and out. Someone who makes me feel like I’m doing everything for the first time all over again. The person who makes every place feel like home. My reason for loving.

“Kim Dongyoung, you are the sixth.”

He sees Dongyoung helping him study in university, seemingly years ahead of him. He sees Dongyoung sitting across from him at their favorite coffee shop, sees the two of them giggling in the back of the movie theater together. He sees Dongyoung dancing in the rain and humming along to Johnny’s piano notes, and he sees him kneeling in front of Jaehyun’s grave and introducing himself.

Dongyoung’s bottom lip wobbles precariously again, so Johnny knocks their foreheads together lightly. “You are the sixth, and you are the last,” he whispers, rubbing over Dongyoung’s engagement ring with his fingers, leaning in to kiss him slow, deep. Dongyoung sighs against him and reciprocates, body going slack as he holds Johnny’s hands tightly. When they separate, Dongyoung’s cheeks are flushed, and he sniffs again.

“You’re so cheesy,” Dongyoung murmurs against Johnny’s breath. 

“It’s because of you,” Johnny says fondly, giving Dongyoung a quick peck. He leans back on his hands and smirks. “So, I told you about mine. What about you? Who did you love before me?” he asks.

Dongyoung sits in their sheets with his legs crossed, jutting out his bottom lip in thought. Then, he smiles, bright and knowing, the smile that Johnny fell in love with.

“Who, what, when, where, and why.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that, this fic is complete!!  
> to everyone who played along, or just read as i updated, thank you so much. it was so fun to see everyone's guesses as i updated chapters, and i hope you're all satisfied with who's who. it was a lot of fun writing each of these while keeping them short. i started writing this years ago in 2018 and only just realized that all i needed to do was write kun's chapter lol. glad i'm starting to publish some more, shorter-form stuff, lmk if you guys want more of that or if you want the longer stuff back! 
> 
> thanks for reading this far, and hope you all stay safe and healthy! leave a comment and connect with me if you wanna: 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/mochibbh) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/mochibbh0201)


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